Well, here we are again, the beginning of a new year. It is so hard to believe that 2013 is gone.
It seems the older I get, the faster time goes by. Honestly, I don’t mind it as much as I used
to. When you’re a law student, you kind
of wish it to go by as fast as it possibly can.
That kind of torture really isn’t fun to endure continuously. When I graduate however, I’ll be OK with it
slowing down a bit. I want to enjoy every
second of life, just like I have the past year.
Anyway, let’s reminisce a little, shall we?
2013 was quite possibly the best year of my life, thus far,
for a lot of reasons. This year, I
completed not only my first year of law school in the Spring, but I reached the
halfway point in December. It’s an
indescribable feeling to have reached the top of the mountain and be on the way
back down. In the beginning of 2013, I
began a new relationship with Frank Wayne Baker, II, who is absolutely perfect
for me, and who has made this year both amazing and unforgettable. The feeling of knowing you have met the one
God created for you is more than a miracle, and it was certainly unexpected.
In 2013, I gained a lot of respect for myself; I became more
comfortable with who I was and where I was in life, more so than I have ever
been before. Whether that came from
accomplishments in school, losing weight, from Frankie or from something else
is really immaterial; the important thing is that it happened. 2013 was the best. I hate to see it end.
I did some forgiving in 2013. Not forgetting – that’s nearly impossible –
but forgiving. That’s the important
part. Once you’ve found happiness…not
content-ness, but real
happiness…there is just no need for grudges or ill feelings in your heart. You don’t have the energy to put into those
reactions, only into being happy and making sure that happiness continues
forward. It is a great feeling to be
free of such baggage. Everyone should
try lightening their load in that department.
You’ll thank me later, really.
I got tougher in 2013. Maybe I just grew up. But when the words "possible death if untreated" are spoken, you grow up fast. Surgery fears become minimal to the fear of dying prematurely.
My first scare came in January. It wasn't technically my first surgery since it was laser, but it was more than anything I'd ever had done in that department. I found out the first week in January that I had a pre-cancerous mole on my arm. I'd had it my whole life. It looked normal to me. But when I went in for my annual dermatology check up, they immediately wanted to do a biopsy. That biopsy showed early signs of melanoma. I had to have it removed January 31. They took it off with a laser, and I admit I was nervous. But once the Valium kicked in, I could have cared less. Not that I'm an avid Valium user, it was just the one time. But I understand now why people take it on airplanes. It's very....calming. But I asked the doctor where this came from. I was like, uh, how did that happen? The doctors response was of course, the tanning bed. I liked to tan. I loved the way I looked with darker tones. Unfortunately, no more tanning for me. Doctors orders. Pale kids are at too high of a risk. I'll just have to try the sun...if it ever shows it's face again.
The second scare came in October, the legit surgery. Frankie and I had went to Gatlinburg on the bank employee trip. I noticed I was a little sickly, but I attributed it to eating a banana. Yes, you read right, a banana. They hate me. They tempt me with their deliciousness and then they unleash a world of torment on my innards. After it didn't go away in a few hours, I had to go lay down. I thought it was a somewhat unusual feeling, but I ate some salty fries and felt better, so I told myself it was in my head. I felt normal that night, we went back out and did laser tag and ate some Bubba Gumps. The next day, I started hurting. Hurting as in, "yikes! Where'd that come from?" I thought it was everything under the sun. My gallbladder, pulled muscle, even gas. The next day I went to school, and it hurt when I moved. I thought it would go away. I drove to Northern Kentucky, went to class, then the grocery, lugged two cases of water and a ton more crap up my stairs, did some homework, and went to sleep. The next morning I attempted to run like normal, but it was clear that was not in the cards. I decided it MIGHT be a good idea to go to the campus nurse. She did her little examination and then told me she was sending me to the ER. Those are not words you want to hear when you have the hardest class of the semester in one hour. Constitutional Law was my favorite class, too. What could possibly be wrong? "Possible" Appendicitis. Really, there was no possible to it. I had it. I knew I had it. I knew I had it since Sunday but I tried to find everything else wrong instead of admitting I had it. They sent me to Good Samaritan hospital in Cincinnati, where I was asked 48739674598 times where I was from. They don't get many southerners through there I suppose. But, three hours later I was checked out. Thankfully, my sweet cousin Deanna was close by and came to stay with me so I wouldn't be by myself. I had called Frankie the minute I headed to the hospital and he left almost immediately. He made it about the time they wheeled me into the CT scan. Dad and Leroy made it about 20 minutes before the wheeled me into surgery. Surgery. Ugh. But, I was a "big girl" as Lida would say. I took it like a champ. Even made a few jokes. Poor Frankie was a trooper, he never left my side. He even slept in an old upright, hard chair all night as uncomfortable as it was. The next day I went home to recuperate. It took a while to get back to myself, but like I said, I got tougher. I went back to school after a couple days and the weekend to the dismay of many. But I'm not a quitter. I'm a fighter. Never give up, never back down, that's what I've always said....
On another note, I traveled a lot in 2013. Nowhere exotic, but still, I did a lot of
things I had always wanted. I was
privileged to go to the CMA Awards, including the Dress Rehearsal, I seen Katt
Williams, AND…. ZZ Top – all things on my bucket list. Frankie and I took a small vacation to Pigeon
Forge after my first year of law school was complete in May. It was the first time I’d stayed that high up
on a mountain in a cabin, and I fell in LOVE with it. We went to Chattanooga in the Summer, somewhere
else I’d never been. While there, I
visited an aquarium for the first time, had my first IMAX experience, and saw
the very interesting wonders of Rock City, Ruby Falls, and the Incline. Also, I went to my first Hacker conference
with Frankie, not that I understood it completely, but I went, and I learned a
few things nonetheless. That same trip,
I got to take my first riverboat ride. I saw the Moonbow at Cumberland Falls for the first time. Well, what there was of it anyway. Privileged we are, and we were judged I’m
sure. BUT, if you don’t do the things you love while you can, you never will,
because someday, you won’t be able to.
Enjoy life – death comes in the blink of an eye.
The truth is, every year has its ups and downs, but its up
to you to make the best of what you have.
I was lucky enough to have some really amazing people to share my life
with this year. I made new friends,
gained new family, and enjoyed every day of it, for the most part. On that note, I’d like to take you back to the
beginning.
The end of 2012 wasn’t really that great. Truthfully, it was one of the hardest times
of my life, for more reasons than I care to discuss. But, things began to look up in January.
January 7, 2013, I was on my way back from visiting Jess and
James in Somerset when I decided to text an old friend about a building he had
rented in town because my friend Ashleigh was looking for a possible rental for
a coffee shop. (Yes, I was texting and driving, so sue me…) I was only expecting a quick conversation;
just an answer to my few questions and that would be the end. But it wasn’t. Not. At. All.
I got an unexpected text that said, “You wouldn’t know any
single girls, would you? I’d sure like to find one.”
I thought for a moment.
I wasn’t sure if I was reading too much into this or if it was in fact
somewhat of a flirtatious move on his behalf.
So, I analyzed for a minute. He had always hugged me when he ran into
me. He had obviously kept my number
throughout the years to know it was me when I texted. This seems plausible. So, I texted back…
“Well, I know one, but she might not count.”
“Who? Why wouldn’t she count?”
“Umm, me….”
I was considering the fact that I might not count because he
was a friend of my brothers. That didn’t
seem to matter. He hinted that in the
event he dated me, he would ask my brother’s permission first.
I’m not gonna lie, I was impressed.
Truthfully, I was impressed with both of us. Had I been face to face in such a
conversation, it probably wouldn’t have happened considering I’m usually far
more reserved and shy when somebody is looking at me. I get a lot braver behind a silent conversation
on a screen.
Our conversation continued until after I got home and went
to bed. The next week I found myself
dropping by the bank to say hello and hanging out for a bit. The next thing I knew, we were seeing each
other every spare minute for 3 weeks.
During that time he did ask my
brother for permission to date me. February
1, 2013, at about 4:30 P.M., he asked me officially and of course, I accepted. That same night, he met my parents. He was a perfect gentleman. The rest is kind of history, as they say. I’d like to think we knew from that first
conversation where we were headed. At
least I think I knew.
You dream about that person your entire life. You watch others fall in love and get
married. You get to be a bridesmaid in
like, 8 weddings. And then you end up
heartbroken and single and wondering where you went wrong. Shortly after, you find yourself
unexpectedly being crazy about somebody you have known nearly half your life
but have only dating a very short time.
Yet, you realize you’re meant to be.
Nearly a year later, you can read each others minds, you finish each
others sentences, and you are probably making people sick. Sorry not sorry. Frankie is my miracle. He is the one I always hoped I’d find. He knows me inside and out, he is always
trying to find a way to make my life easier, he does things without me even
asking him to, and most importantly, he loves me unconditionally. There is nothing more you can ask for. Our goal is to stay this way forever. We rarely squabble, because we talk about
everything, but we also listen to
each other. More importantly, we pray for each other. A relationship without God is a relationship
missing a vital organ.
Not too long from now, I expect he’ll talk to dad. We’ve looked at rings. We’ve talked about the future, and we know
that we want to spend it with each other.
We can’t get married until I graduate, per dad’s premature instructions,
but some things are worth the wait. He certainly
was.
2013 went by fast, it did.
I stayed so busy that I don’t know if I really took time to take it in
as much as I should have. But, time
flies when you’re having fun. And I have
had fun. I have learned that life was
made to enjoy. Yes, school is important,
but so is family. Fun is important. I haven’t got my grades back yet, but I know
that it won’t matter to me if they aren’t the best possible. Because in 2013, I did something I never
really tried to do before:
I LIVED.
Not only that, but I made the decision to continue
living. There are no second
chances. Life waits for no one.
There are just some things you will learn by a certain age. When you’re a teenager, you think your
parents are total idiots. Seriously,
somehow you talk yourself into the idea that they are the dumbest people on the
planet. They aren’t. Surprised?
Me too. We all are when we grow
up and figure out they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. But that’s the cycle of life. We all go through it, its history repeating; it’s human nature. One of the things you learn is that life is
shorter than you thought. First you’re
16. You thank the Lord you can finally
get that driver’s license. Then you’re
18 – adulthood – the age we all waited for.
I just wanted to vote… But then 21 rolls around. Drinking isn’t as fun when it’s legal, and if
honest we all can admit we tried a sip or two.
Some of us liked it, some of us didn’t, and some of us liked it for a
while until it lost its flavor. The next
thing you know, you’re 25. That’s ¼ of
100. The average life span is nowhere
close to that. I just depressed you more
than likely, especially if you’re over the 25 mark – my apologies. I’m 26.
I cried on my 25th birthday.
Now I’m learning to live with it, hence, the learning to LIVE part.
But, there are unfortunately other lessons about life. During my last month of school, Frankie’s
uncle Jim got sick and we thought we were going lose him. During my finals, he lost his Big Mommy, and somehow
by the grace of GOD and the good LORD above, I was able to be there for him and
still complete finals. There is no amount of explanation that could
describe the feeling you have knowing that the other half of your heart is
breaking and you can’t be there for them.
BUT the LORD found a way. And I’m
grateful he did.
Losing someone close to you, a pillar in your life, is the
hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. When
I lost my granny, it was a gut-wrenching pain that I have never fully gotten over,
I’ve just gotten better at living with it.
I still dream about her. I still
feel her, especially when I’m in her house.
I still miss her. Every. Single.
Day. I knew what Frankie was
feeling. He and the family losing Big
Mommy was just a reminder of my own shadowed hurt, but also a reminder that
life does go on. One way, or another.
You also learn by this time that your parents, especially
your dad, IF you’re lucky enough to still have them, aren’t as invincible as
you once thought. You figure out their
years are numbered, their health is deteriorating and it’s just a matter of
time. You realize that repetitive YouTube
videos and Fox News aren’t as punishing as you thought, if that’s the only time
you have with your parents, you’ll come around.
They won’t be here forever. None
of us will.
Again, LIFE waits for no one. It just keeps happening. Time keeps moving forward whether we want it
to or not. We get older, we lose the ones
we love, and we have to find a way to live even in the times when we think we
cannot. We have to find the good in life
even when it seems impossible. And,
even truer than that, once our time is over on this earth, there is no going
back and starting over. Whatever we
leave behind is our legacy, for better or worse. My intention is to be like my granny, like
Big Mommy, and all the other people I’ve lost, including George Jones.
Yes, George Jones. I
lost one of my Country Music Heroes this year, a day I never wanted to see come
either. My father and I were ridiculed
but it was hard for some to really understood this loss, and how close you can
feel to somebody you’ve met only once and never really knew, just through their
voice and their music, and the void you feel when they are gone.
In 2013, I made the decision to LIVE, to LOVE, and to create
a LEGACY that will stand strong, long after I’m gone.
In 2013, I made a lot of changes in my life. But in 2014, I’m vowing to make a few
more. I’m gonna be a better Christian. I’m gonna be a better student. A better daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend
(maybe even fiancé…), and anything else I can be. In 2014, I’m going to continue living. I’m gonna make memories that I can tell my
children and grandchildren about some day.
I’m gonna make every second of my life count. I’m gonna travel more, I’m gonna work harder,
and I’m gonna enjoy every moment. I’m
gonna spend every moment with the best friends in the world, the sweet little
faces that I have come to love and that have come to love me, with my family as
long as I have them for, and with the other half of my heart.
Hey, I also drove on snow for the first time this year. I can do ANYTHING! Well, maybe not, but I can
darn sure try.
My advice to you is to do the same. If you don’t like something about your life,
CHANGE IT. If you don’t like the people
in your life, CHANGE THEM. You and ONLY
you can control who you are, where you are, and where you go in your life. Start making your days count. Start working toward your goals and how you
can achieve them. Leave behind something
you can be proud of, not something you’d be ashamed of.
I want to thank all the people in my life that I couldn’t make it without for helping me get where I am, and helping me to keep going. You know who you are. I tell you often. 2013 was truly an amazing year. I can’t wait to see what 2014 holds in store. If it’s anything like 2013, it can only get better from here.
<3 Jess
Song for this Blog:
"Comin' Around"
By: Josh Thompson
It was like nails on a chalkboard when daddy played his kind of music
If you’d asked me then I’d said it was borderline abusive
But I’m gettin’ to where I don’t mind it now
I’m comin’ around
I blew out of here the next day after graduation
Destination anywhere with a higher population
Never to return to this tiny town
But I’m comin’ around
I’m comin’ around, I’m figuring out a lot of things I thought I knew
I never dreamed I’d be seeing things from this point of view
I’m still a little ways from slowing it all the way down
But I’m comin’ around
I’m comin’ around, I’m figuring out a lot of things I thought I knew
I never dreamed I’d be seeing things from this point of view
I’m still a little ways from slowing it all the way down
But I’m comin’ around
I never been that big a fan of gettin’ up on Sunday morning
And listenin’ to that ol’ preacher talk was always kinda boring
I’m still a little more lost than I am found
But I’m comin’ around
Yeah, I’m comin’ around
I’m comin’ around, I’m figuring out a lot of things I thought I knew
I never dreamed I’d be seeing things from this point of view
I’m still a little ways from slowing it all the way down
But I’m comin’ around
Yeah, I’m comin’ around
If you’d asked me then I’d said it was borderline abusive
But I’m gettin’ to where I don’t mind it now
I’m comin’ around
I blew out of here the next day after graduation
Destination anywhere with a higher population
Never to return to this tiny town
But I’m comin’ around
I’m comin’ around, I’m figuring out a lot of things I thought I knew
I never dreamed I’d be seeing things from this point of view
I’m still a little ways from slowing it all the way down
But I’m comin’ around
I’m comin’ around, I’m figuring out a lot of things I thought I knew
I never dreamed I’d be seeing things from this point of view
I’m still a little ways from slowing it all the way down
But I’m comin’ around
I never been that big a fan of gettin’ up on Sunday morning
And listenin’ to that ol’ preacher talk was always kinda boring
I’m still a little more lost than I am found
But I’m comin’ around
Yeah, I’m comin’ around
I’m comin’ around, I’m figuring out a lot of things I thought I knew
I never dreamed I’d be seeing things from this point of view
I’m still a little ways from slowing it all the way down
But I’m comin’ around
Yeah, I’m comin’ around
70 things I learned in my 20s -- Most of these I can say I have learned this year.
Check out this link to see them:
One Last Look at 2013:
Our very first picture together :)
First picture of 2014 :)
