So here it is. 2013
is already in full swing. The joke is on
you Mayans; we survived 2012. Even me, even
though I had many experiences and trials, I pushed on through like I always
do. I’m a Lewis, also known as
‘Bonecrusher.’
I. Am. Tough.
I should be working on a brief right now but I’m not. This law student is fried, and the only thing
that clears my head is writing and driving.
How ironic is that? You’d think that since I’m supposed to be writing a
brief it would work? Nah. I can’t clear my head like that. I certainly can’t drive at this hour through
the hood in Cincinnati…even I’m not that stupid. I have to clear my mind. I have to write, and let the words on these
pages free my thoughts and share them with whoever wants to look inside my
mind. Be careful, it’s scary in here!
So, most of you that know me or for whatever reason follow
these blogs, know that I always do a year-end blog. This year is no different. However, I did not
post it. Why, you ask? Because. It was
just for me. I went through a rough state for a few months that only those
closest to me were privileged to know about and help me through. I can take a
lot, I have learned about losing in so many ways. But after so much hurt and
disappointment, I collapse, like I did last semester. I was still determined enough to finish
finals at an above average pace last semester, but nothing like I pride myself
in doing. Sometimes, life just gets to
be too much.
However, I will hit the high points – and low points – of
last year. I dealt with a lot in the beginning of the year. I was studying for the LSAT and fearing the
worst about my future in law school. I
lost a dear person in my life, Marie Garrison, to cancer (see separate blog
from last year) and my Great Uncle Oaf Lee, also to cancer and other
problematic health issues. It was a
rough beginning. But then things turned
around.
By some Miracle, I managed to get into Salmon P. Chase Law
School, a part of Northern Kentucky University.
I say miracle because of how it came about. I had a pretty bad score on the LSAT so I
didn’t think I was going to apply to Chase.
I thought I was just going to apply to somewhere else and hope that
maybe I could transfer, or go where I loved -- Tennessee. It was certainly heavy on my mind to apply to
Duncan School of Law, a part of Lincoln Memorial University that was started a
few years ago in Knoxville. The only
problem is that they are not accredited by the American Bar Association
yet. But I wanted to go to law school so
bad I didn’t care. I applied there and a
couple more places, and wasn’t going to apply to Chase because I didn’t think I
could get in. However, about a week
before the deadline to apply to Chase, the admissions office emailed me and
told me that they were still taking applications. She had got my information off the Law School
Admission Council website. I told her I
had a bad score and didn’t think they would accept me. She sent me the link to a chart of LSAT
scores crossed with GPAs. Out of the
applicants with my score and GPA, four people had applied last year. One of the four was accepted. ONE. I
was at work and I remember turning around, looking at Amber and saying, “I could be the one!”
At least then I was optimistic.
I applied to Duncan in Knoxville, TN, a school in Charlotte,
NC and Salmon P. Chase in Northern Kentucky.
Those were the only places I was willing to go because I don’t want to
be too far away from home. I got a
letter from Charlotte immediately but it was a few weeks before I heard from
anybody else. I heard from Chase exactly
four weeks after they received my application.
I was at work (always) and I saw I had an email on my phone. The subject
line said “NKU Chase – Congrats” and I freaked out. I started screaming, “I got in!! I got
in!!!” Randi and I started jumping up
and down, I started texting and calling people to tell them about my good
news. It was one of the happiest (and
proudest) moments of my life. I started
planning when to leave work and what I was going do. I was still in shock.
I decided that I was going to reward myself. My cousin Elizabeth and I planned a cruise
for the summer. I had never been farther
south than the Tennessee border, I had never seen the ocean, never been on a
plane and I had never really left the country.
I was about to have a bunch of ‘firsts.’
Now, I generally have good luck. But sometimes I have both
good luck and bad luck at the same time. For instance, I got an email telling
me I had been accepted into a scholarship program known as KLEO where I would
receive $5,000 but it required me going to live in a dorm on UK’s campus for
two weeks while attending sort of a “boot camp” for law school. I thought this was a great idea but it
happened right during the week of my cruise.
BUT, the amount it cost to change the cruise to a week later was not
nearly enough to worry about in comparison to the $5,000 I would lose if I
didn’t take the scholarship. Which,
turned out to be $5,000 each year for a total of $15,000 for those of us at
Chase. That also meant my summer was
pretty much booked. But it was all worth
it. I gained a new understanding and
preparation of law school, and I realized that I really loved the direction I
was heading in. The cruise also changed
my life. It sparked a love for travel
and treading new ground that I will never lose.
I can’t wait to go on my next adventure.
Let’s recap:
I got into law school. I was a KLEO scholar. I flew for the first time. I went on my first
cruise. I saw the ocean for the first time. Basically, I had a perfect summer.
Booyah!
Now, moving right along.
School started, which unleashed a whirlwind on my life. I was fortunate
enough in September to stand beside my best friend and former roommate Kathryn
Boggess as her maid of honor and watched as she vowed to share her life with
her new husband, Ben. It was one of the
most beautiful weddings I’ve ever seen and I was honored to be a part of
it. It is an amazing feeling to watch
two people who are perfect for each other join hands as husband and wife.
But…in true me fashion I always seem to take on too
much. It’s a gift, and a curse. I still managed to plan the entertainment for
Mary Breckinridge Festival and have Emerson Drive as the headliner, which I’m
pretty proud of. The festival is a headache and a thankless job, but I love
it. It still reminds me of my days in
Nashville, and helps me keep my music dream alive in some ways. And truthfully, I’m not happy unless I’m
helping others. I’m not happy unless I’m
doing something productive for someone else.
I’m not happy unless I’m staying super busy and losing sleep and living
on the road.
That takes us up through October. There is only one event from October to
December I will never forget…my baptism.
The rest of the year, well, it pretty much sucked.
In November, I was baptized – something I had wanted to do
for a long time. The day it happened, I
will remember for the rest of my life; November 25. That day, my life changed forever. During just one of many emotional sermons by
Keith Bowling, I felt my heart being tugged as if there was a rope lassoed
around me, pulling me to the front. It
was a feeling I could no longer fight.
My eyes filled with tears and I nearly ran toward the front. It was as if the gap in my heart was filled
immediately. And, I was able to share it
with one of the best people in my life, Ms. Rebecca Couch. She never left my side. She stood at the base of the stairs and
helped me in the water. She was the last
thing I saw going down, and the first thing I saw coming up. She helped me out of the water and waited
patiently outside as I changed out of my wet clothes. She has never let me down, but has been there
for me through one of the most important journeys of my life, my journey toward
God. For that I will always love her and
be grateful. I don’t know what I would
do without her. My entire church family
is amazing and I am blessed beyond measure to be a part of that
congregation. It has truly been one of
the best things to ever happen to me.
So, after all I had went through, by the time finals rolled
around this semester I had no motivation left.
None. Zero. Nada.
NOTHING. I didn’t even care. I wasn’t nervous, I didn’t cry, I didn’t get
freaked out, I just slept, ate, watched TV and studied with my group. I guess I’m not normal but I never have been. I’m just who I am. I was ready to come home.
The last few months of my year, minus my baptism, was very
disheartening and painful. Having to
remove people from my life isn’t a happy thing.
Being betrayed isn’t a happy thing.
Losing friends and people I thought I could trust and count on isn’t a happy
thing. But that is why I will skip it. I
want to be happy.
And believe me, I am.
January 7 was the day my life changed for the
better. I sent a random text message to
an old friend asking about a building he used to work in because another friend
of mine was curious about it. January 7,
I realized that friend might be a little more than I thought.
If my life were a play, the script would read, “ENTER: Frank
Wayne Baker II.”
We spent quite a bit of time together after that. We figured
out pretty fast how much we cared for each other and how much alike we
were. On February 1, he asked me if I
felt like putting up with him for a while, and of course I said I did. All I can say is, I am the happiest I’ve ever
been. Because for once, it seems like all the pieces of my puzzle are fitting
together. I am in law school working
toward my dream, I have the best, most supportive family and friends and church
family one could ever be blessed with, and I have the man in my life I have
always wanted.
It is not everyday you find a man who:
·
Opens every door for you;
·
Wears two jackets so he can give you one when
you’re too hair-brained to remember your own;
·
Respects your brother enough to ask permission
to date you because they’re friends;
·
Respects you, and your life choices and
decisions;
·
Spends 16 hours hand-making roses out of duct
tape for you on Valentine’s Day because he knows you don’t like a bunch of real
flowers that die;
·
Wants to go to church with you;
·
Doesn’t care if you don’t feel like wearing
makeup today;
·
Wants to make your life easier;
·
Supports and encourages you while you’re in
school and sacrifices time with you when needed;
·
Wipes your tears away when you cry;
·
Makes you order first in a restaurant because
ladies go first;
·
Considers you in his decisions;
·
Doesn’t mind going to concerts because you have
an addiction (LOL);
·
Reminds you you’re important to him and he
appreciates you;
·
Tells you that you’re beautiful;
·
Sends you emails with funny comics or song clips
because he knows you’re having a rough day and he wants to make you laugh;
·
RESPECTS your family, and understands that time
with them is important;
·
Adds to the family, not take away from it;
·
Shows concern for your safety and tries to
protect you;
·
MOST IMPORTANTLY doesn’t want to change who you
are.
I could go on, but I’m sure some of you are already gagging
a little. Sorry, my apologies. I’m just so stinking happy!
ANYWAY – the point is, it is rare to find a man like that
with those qualities these days. His
parents have raised a wonderful son, and I can’t express with words how much
appreciation and respect I have for them.
I really am lucky! (Even though he argues he’s the lucky
one.)
We watched George Strait the other night in concert on this 2013 leg
of the Cowboy Rides Away Tour, sadly his last tour.
It was a bittersweet moment for me because music is a huge part of my
life, and it’s like a chapter is over.
Some people understand that and some people don’t. But for me, a concert, feeling the music,
sharing it with all the people and the artist in one room, feeling the energy
that we all create, is one of the best feelings I know. I love it. I’m addicted. But it was sad last night, watching another
part of my childhood walk away. I was
raised with music in my ears. When Brooks and Dunn left, I cried, several
times. I’m not ashamed to say that I
shed some tears last night. If George
Jones ever dies, I’ll need Oxygen. True story…
But the point of this is how little by little I am realizing
where I am in life, and how fast the years are flying by. Music isn’t what it used to be, and the older
they get, the older I get. Yes, I am
only 25, I know. But, in the words of
Conway Twitty, “Life’s too short, no matter how long it lasts.” It seems like yesterday I was 16. I went to sleep and when I woke up, I was
18. I went to sleep again, and when I
opened my eyes, I was 21. When I woke up this morning, I was 25, a law student,
and TIRED! I never realized how fast
that life goes by. Especially when you
are unhappy and you don’t like to admit it.
But being happy, finding what I was missing, has changed my life. I was missing a relationship with God first and
foremost, and since that happened, my life has kept going in the right
direction. The power of prayer and God’s
plan for you is amazing! As Keith and
Eddie have said so many times in church, why people don’t want it I don’t know!
I think I always wanted it but I was afraid.
And now that my life has taken all these wonderful turns, I believe even
stronger.
The sad part – I just wish my granny were still here. I know
she is smiling, watching over me, but there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t
miss her, and think about her, and wish I could tell her about the things in my
life and wonder what she would say to me. I have tried to live my life
continuously in a way that she would have been proud of. I would never want to
let her down or disappoint her.
I know my dad won’t be around forever, or my mom. But I have
never loved or appreciated my parents and my brother and my entire family more
than I do at this moment. Because
dysfunctional or not, we are a family. We are a team. We are one.
Maybe this all seems like a silly post to some of you. Maybe it seems like I’m behind and I should
have been playing catch up. But I’ve
heard you never realize what you have until it’s gone. I’m trying to stay ahead of the game. I’m in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky, 5 nights
a week, sometimes more, away from most everything I love. If I hadn’t made such wonderful friends in
law school, I’d have lost my mind by now.
But that is one thing I’m blessed with, loyal friends. And not just here, but back home, too. And you know who you are because we stay in
contact, somehow.
I just want to thank all of you again – all of my loyal
supporters – who have kept me going for so long. When I’m having a down moment in school or life,
all I have to do is post on Facebook and within minutes I have a load of
comments cheering me up and giving me a pep talk and putting me back where I
belong. Thank you, from the bottom of my
heart. You will never know how much it
means to me.
In closing, I am truly blessed with a life that is far better
than I deserve. The good Lord has seen
to my happiness and pulled me through my trials and tribulations to build me
into the person I am today. I can’t wait
to come home this summer and see my family and friends and be a part of my
hometown and see all the faces that I’ve missed. But until then, keep thinking about me,
typing away at this computer at all hours, working on getting this second
semester of law school completed, and one step closer to home… For good!
By the way, did I mention that I’m in love with Frank Wayne
Baker II? I think he already knows, but
just in case….
“Cause even the stars
they burn,
Some even fall to the
earth.
We’ve got a lot to
learn,
But God knows we’re
worth it.
No, I won’t give up.”
<3 Jess
