I don’t even know where to begin. I sit here with tears in
my eyes, wishing so hard that it was a dream. A nightmare. People I love are
hurting. People who are important to me, who feel like my family, are grieving.
It still doesn’t seem like it’s even real. One of the best men to ever walk
this earth has moved on to the beautiful gates of Heaven, and all who loved him
are left with a gaping hole to fill.
I thought for days on what I could do for the family to bring
them some peace and comfort. Flowers just wilt and die; there are only so many
quilts and pictures or figurines you can make room for, which still seem to only
stand as a reminder of what one has lost. So, instead, I write this, because
words last forever, and words are the best gift I can give. And also, because
it is so well deserved.
I haven’t known Billy Ray as long as some, but I can
honestly say he touched my life, in more ways than one. I don’t think I knew
how much until I was standing in line at his visitation, watching the multitude
of people shuffle in and out, and realizing how many lives he had touched
during his time on earth.
I guess it was around early 2015 when I started frequenting
Red Light Café, which was family owned by two of Billy Ray’s grandsons, Timmy
and Dave. It was a nice place to sit down and have a meal with friends and it
became like an episode of Cheers to
me, because no matter who in the family was working, there was always someone
great to talk to while enjoying something greasy or sweet, depending on the
mood. I spent so much time there, I became close with the entire family, and
for the next almost 4 years, that Café and those people became an integral part
of my life. Even through my divorce, none of them chose a side, but instead, respected
our decision. Even when I had lost friends of 10 years and upwards of over 20
years, I never lost one member of the Day family. They never treated me
differently, but loved me just as much as they ever did.
During that 4 years I was present for and well-involved in
many family gatherings, including birthday parties, showers, weddings, and even
the birth of the first great-grandchild, Laura Jane. I have never seen a
closer, stronger, more tight-knit and loving family than the Day family. It was
something to envy, but, more importantly, something to be respected and
admired, and something to strive for in life. Since during that time the
grandchildren and their significant others were my best friends, there were
many other gatherings and nights out with us all together as well, and we all
became like family. One thing I can say for sure is that when you become a part
of the Day family, you’re a part of something beautiful and amazing, strong and
solid, and something to forever hold on to. Over time, I grew to think of Billy
Ray and Peggy like my own grandparents. I called them Granny and Grandpa, and always
made it a point to talk to them a while at gatherings and we would all have a
big time. Billy Ray and I would talk politics and joke about Peggy. They were
the sweetest couple, and a truly wonderful example for everyone of how marriage
should be.
Those few days are mostly a blur for me so I can only
imagine what they were like for the Day family. From the minute I heard the
news, I was completely heartbroken. I can’t even put into words what a loss
this was, not only for the Day family, but the entire community, the entire
county. Billy Ray was one of the most well-known and most highly respected men
in the county, and for good reason. He was a faithful, loving, kind, caring,
humble man, and he made a difference in the life of every person he met. He
touched the lives of everyone who knew him, and even some who didn’t. That was all
blatantly obvious by the number of people who rotated through his visitation.
You know, I go to a lot of visitations, or wakes, as we call them in Eastern
Kentucky, far more than I would like. But, when you are raised as a
politician’s daughter and you’ve worked in the public for some 10+ years, you
get to know a lot of people, and you feel it is both a privilege and a duty to
pay your respects. This was no ordinary visitation, however, this one was so
different. This one was Grandpa Billy Ray’s. And, since losing both my own
grandfathers, I was so blessed and honored to feel like a part of his family, and
feel like someone he seemed to enjoy.
I got to the visitation around 6:00 p.m., with the doors
opening around 5:00, and I stood in line for over an hour to talk to the family,
who were gathered around this angel of a man. Others I knew stood in line up to
an hour and a half. The line was continuous until around 9:00 p.m. when the
funeral home was closing. There were so many people attending, that many were
parking at the car wash (a long distance) and walking that far to pay their
respects. Every available parking lot around and empty space (or anything remotely
resembling a space) was full. As many of these as I have attended, I have
honestly never seen anything like it in my life. I have never seen that many
people at the funeral home. It is a testament to show how loved and respected this
man really was. I can only hope that when I am called home to be with the Lord,
I am as loved and admired as Billy Ray Day was.
The funeral was awful hard. Truthfully, I don’t frequent
funerals. I try my best to leave it at the visitation, if possible, unless it’s
my family, or someone I consider family. I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older, that
time on earth is guaranteed for no one, and the older I get, the more people I
continue to lose. Funerals have become harder to sit through, just watching
everyone suffer. However, if a funeral
can, in fact, be a celebration of life, that was exactly what this was, a
celebration of the 83 years Grandpa spent on this earth, touching the lives of
so many people and building a family so precious and beautiful. I haven’t cried
that much in a long time, especially all at once, but on the other hand, I have
never laughed that much at a funeral either. Yet, it was as normal and loving
as any laughter I have ever heard or expressed. What a grand mixture of
emotions it was, but what a superb tribute this man was given.
I learned a lot about Grandpa. I learned most importantly,
that nobody had a bad word to say about Billy Ray Day.
Not. One. Person.
Not. One. Bad.
Word.
Let that sink in for a minute. What a magnificent
accomplishment it is, and what a rare thing it is, to not have one ounce of
criticism or an ill word for a man who has lived 83 years, who has been in both
small business serving the public, and also a public servant in politics.
That. Speaks. Volumes.
Not that I’m at all surprised. What an extreme honor, to
leave this world with no one having a cruel word to say about you, but only
good thoughts and brags and a testament to the character and integrity of such
a noble man. In fact, the only bad things (which are yet to be confirmed, I’ll
add) was how he once (I’m going with accidentally) killed a deer on government
property, or maybe (also unconfirmed) got an extra deer over tag while hunting
with his grandson, and I’m not sure that even qualifies as a bad word, more
like an observation of sorts. I saw so many smiles and so much laughter during
the speeches given about Billy Ray. So many wonderful memories that so many
people fondly hold of this man. I heard the word ‘legacy’ used to describe his life, and I don’t think another word
could ever describe it more accurately.
His grandsons and nephews, his son-in-law, and a very
special friend all spoke of what a wonderful man he was, what a phenomenal and
patient man he was, of all he had done for them in their lives, of all he did
for the community. Billy Ray had ran a service station for 37 years, giving all
he could during that time to those in the community, charging less than others
would have, not worrying about money or greed, but instead, working to help the
people. He also helped as magistrate of the 3rd district, where he
worked alongside my dad who was a magistrate at that time. My father has always
held such high respect and admiration for him, not only as a colleague, but, as
his friend, as a man of his word, as a man who worked so hard to help others,
and a man who never failed to be there when he needed him. It is amazing the
number of lives this man has touched. Yet, he was so humble, he had no idea how
great he was or how wide his grace had spread.
I heard a lot of strong words used at his memorial – meek,
mild, humble, integrity, honest, successful, loving, caring, patient, wise,
faithful, devoted – all words that one can only hope to hear being used to
describe themselves. Although he wasn’t there in body to hear them, I know he
was there in spirit, watching over all of those grieving and celebrating his
legacy. I can see him smile so big right now, so full of humility, humbled at
what wonderful things people were saying about him. He had one of the biggest, best,
warmest smiles on earth, and it made everyone around him want to smile. His
smile lit up a room like nothing else. I will miss his smile. I will miss our
conversations. I will miss his laugh. I will miss… him. He was one of a kind.
One of my favorite stories told at the funeral was how he
loved to give advice. He had the biggest heart and always had this drive and
will to help people in some way, no matter how small. A man with a heart like
that is rare, and will be remembered and treasured throughout the test of time.
He was a man with a heart so big, that he waited until the last person got
there that day before he let go of his time on this earth. How strong this man
was, and how much he loved his family. There is not a doubt in my mind how
much. No matter what, no matter how much his patience was tested – whether a
son in law tore up his vehicle, or a grandson continuously got the line tangled
on his fishing reel for the ‘experienced fisherman’ – it was repeatedly said
that he had the patience of Job. He was also recognized for what a faithful man
of the Lord he was, as well as the faithful man he was to his family. He truly was
a man to admire, in so many ways.
I heard someone say that not only was he a blessing to
others, but he was also a blessed man, and how true that is. He left this world
behind, being married to the love of his life for 61 years. He was a devoted
husband. He raised three amazing and successful daughters, who married three
wonderful men, who continued his legacy with 6 incredible and accomplished
grandchildren. He built a true legacy with a fine family, a faith in God, and a
love for his fellow man.
In closing, I will say that even with everything I have said
here, it’s still not enough. No amount of words could completely sum up his life
and legacy. I really love that word, because it fits so well. It is such an
accurate representation of the 83 years he spent living such an admirable life.
What other word could be used to describe such an extraordinary and phenomenal
man?
A man who lived his life for others, and not himself.
A man who was self-made, and earned everything with his own
two hands and an enormous heart.
A man who loved his wife, his family and his community, more
than he loved himself.
A man who gave so much to others, even if it meant
sacrificing things himself.
A man that throughout his 83 years touched the lives of
everyone he knew and those he may have just met.
I will remember forever the effect his life and his presence
had on mine. Because of him, I have some of the best people I could ever ask
for in my life. Because of him, I have seen the example of how strong a family
can be when you have a man with all of Billy Ray’s qualities leading the way.
Because of him, I have learned the kind of person I want to be; the kind of person
we should all strive to be. I can only hope to touch the number of lives he
did, to have the impact on people that he did, and to make the difference in
this world that he did. If only more people were like him, this world would be
a much better place. There was no finer man on this earth than Grandpa. There
is no finer woman walking amongst us than Granny. They are what all married
couples should be. They have been a stellar example to all who know them, and
have blessed all of us by just being themselves. I could only hope to someday
have what those two had.
A number of years have passed since I lost my grandparents.
Everyone who knows me, knows how fierce I loved my granny and what her presence
(and her absence) meant in my life. I have been blessed with some of the best
family of my own, but I have also been blessed with the Day family. I cannot
thank them enough for treating me as a part of their family, for allowing me to
see the strength and love they have first hand, and to be inspired by what commendable
people they are. Every moment with your family is time well spent. It was such an
honor and a privilege to know Billy Ray Day, to know his family, and I know his
memory will continue to live on through all of you, and all of the people who
knew and loved him. If I am ever blessed with children, I will make sure to tell
them about grandpa; I will teach them to be humble and kind, to love with all
their heart, to be courageous, and to always help others. And if I need any
examples, I will just point to members of the Day family, for they have all of
the same qualities of one of the finest men I have ever known, and one of the
best role models I could ever hope to know. And I can’t wait to meet my little
nephew, Killian Ray Sandlin, because I know he is going to take a lot of good
qualities after his namesake.
The day of the funeral, I saw a beautiful sky and sunset,
right in the dead of winter. I took that as a sign from Grandpa, that he’s OK,
and he’s in a better place. This morning, I woke up to birds singing, yet
another sign.
Fly high with the angels Grandpa Billy Ray, you were a
blessing on this earth and I know memories of you will be cherished from now
on. Thank you for all you taught me, and all you gave to me and so many others while you were here. You were the best, and I love you.
Until we meet again,
Jessica.
