For Laura Jane

Hey baby girl.

Today is March 2^nd 2018, the day you were born. I’m assuming that someday you’re going to wonder what it was like the day you were born, so I’m documenting this day like I told your mother I would. You haven’t made your appearance to meet me yet, but this is your Aunt Jess. I can’t wait to see your gorgeous little face in a few hours (I hope, only a few, anyway).

I haven’t always known your mother, a mere few years give or take, but she took up a presence in my life like no other. I met her while she was working at Red Light Café, and instantly loved her. She has this personality that can light up a room, and make everyone in it wish they could shrink her and pack her around in their pocket. That’s how much she is loved, and how much you are already loved. She was only 15 or so when I first met her, but you’d have thought she was 20 or more as mature and outgoing as she was. Her sense of humor is like no other and she can put a smile on your face or pull a laugh out of you on even your darkest days. That’s how she drew me in. She was a ray of sunshine in a world full of darkness.

Not long after I met your mother, I met your biological aunt, Brittany. I get to be your aunt, too, but not by relation, just by choice, cause I’m awesome, which you’ll see someday.  Your aunt Brittany is my best friend in the whole wide world. We are so much alike it is scary, and I don’t know what I’d do without her, or your whole lovable dysfunctional family in my life. She has been there for me this year through some pretty rough times. And last year. And well, you get the idea. She's my person. And when she has a baby, I'm going to be doing this same thing, documenting every hateful word she says (she's a little scary, but still lovable) and recording all the important details of the day the baby is born. Your aunt Britt is an amazing woman, and someone you are lucky to share blood with. She protects me and she tells me the truth and says mean things because I need to hear them. But there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for her, and nothing she wouldn't do for me. I hope someday when you're older you find a best friend you can love that much. It's the only way to do life.

Bless his heart. Your granddad is pacing around here right now awaiting your arrival. I can tell he is nervous, as we all are, because we are just so excited to meet you. But your granddad is a very wise man. He has a great sense of humor that I've come to love and appreciate. He may be a bit ornery at times, but you will come to love that about him, just like I have. And Val, your grandma, is all the things amazing women are made of. She has taken care of her family, and people like me, since I've known her. She is an incredible woman. Someone I think of like a mother who is always there for me and who has raised two pretty amazing daughters and who I know will have a tremendous impact on your life. You are going to have the most strongest genes a girl an have, because you have the blood of some the best women I have ever known.  Someday you'll see.

I’ve known your father for a good 15 years. We went through high school together and were part of the few people who stayed and made a life in this little town. He’s a little rough around the edges, but I think you’re going to straighten him right out when you get here. You’re going to change him, in ways he never imagined. You are going to make him the man he’s been trying to be for a long time, and wrap him around your tiny little finger like a ball of yarn. But, I have a feeling you’re going to do that to all of us. You have no idea how much you are loved, little one.

So far, it’s about 10:30 AM and we’ve all lost sleep and are bursting with excitement at your arrival. I’m sitting in this tiny little waiting room with what appears to be a very odd family, but you’re too young to understand just yet or I would explain. Maybe someday though, I’ll sit you down and tell you all this and add in all the things I’m having to leave out. I’m much more colorful and animated in person than through the strokes of these keys. But what I will tell you is that your mother looks beautiful. I took a picture of her for you. Someday you’re going to want to see it. I giggled at her because she sat in there and put her makeup on. She’s much, much better at it than I am. I rarely wear makeup and when I do I look like I had a toddler put it on me. But she is skilled. And she wanted to look perfect for your arrival, and believe me, she does. She is radiant and glowing. She is nervous and giddy, and so excited to meet you, ecstatic really.

They just brought out a newborn baby girl by the waiting room I’m in. She is beautiful, and tiny, and so peaceful looking. I imagine you’re going to look something like that, but you’re going to be the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of beautiful babies. I remember when your mother told me she was pregnant with you. She decorated a tiny little pumpkin like a baby girl, and I promise to show you a picture someday, but it was so sweet. It had a little pacifier and hair bows and eyelashes. And she wrote me a poem to tell me about you, from you, so to speak:

“They’ve always said girls are full of pumpkin spice and everything nice… well I say that at least. Momma’s always unorganized and an absolute mess…help me out and be my auntie Jess!”

I remember being filled with so many emotions and tears filling my eyes. I wasn’t sure she was ready for you yet. She was young, so full of life, and had so many things to accomplish. I see now, that you were one of those things, this accomplishment, this major blessing that we all needed in our lives.

I don’t have any children of my own, not yet anyway. At this point who knows if I ever will, it’s very doubtful, but still possible I suppose. Just in case, I hope you don’t mind if I spoil you as much as possible. Something you will come to learn about your Aunt Jess, is that I love hard and uncontrollable. My love knows no boundaries, and I give everything I have until I have nothing left, always hard and fast, and that scares people away…especially people who aren’t used to it. They don’t know what to do with someone like me. Someday though, someone will. Someday, someone will appreciate all that about me, and they will love me for the same things I love about me. They will love me because I make them better and they will make me better, too. I’ve not been loving myself much here lately, but I’m going to start. The good thing about all that is, I have a lot of knowledge to share with you, and maybe, hopefully, my own kid someday. Someday when you are older, I will tell you about life and about all the things I’ve been through and I will try to help guide you and shape you into the amazing person I know you are destined to be. I know that you will need someone like me, to share my mistakes and to help you when you make a few of your own. I’d like to think I’d make a good mom someday, but only God knows if that is meant to be. I love to love, and I love to take care of the people I love, especially those most fragile and those who need it most, like you and other little ones. Maybe you will let me practice a little on you, just in case. Until then though, you and a few more little kids get to share my big heart full of love and joy, and life lessons. I can’t wait to hold you and tell you all about how much you are loved.

I’ve been typing for a while now. All your family is back there with your momma, waiting on you to get here. Your grandparents are here, and your dad and your aunt Britt and Uncle Dave and your aunt Anna, who isn’t much older than you. But she is something else, and you’re going to love her. I took pictures of them for you, too. Someday you’re going to want to know just how we spent this day, and how we felt when we got to meet you. I can’t imagine that just yet, but I will let you know how it turns out when you get here.

The gentleman across from me is waiting on his grandson. His son is a big Top Gun fan, (which I’ll watch with you someday, along with lots of other wonderful 80s films) so he is naming the little boy Maverick, and has already gotten the tattoo of it on his left forearm. I saw him earlier. He looked worried and excited, his first baby is a boy and he gets to name him something he loves – Maverick Joe. Your name is pretty special, too, Laura Jane. You’ll get to hear about it someday, and how it came about. Let me tell you though, just how excited I am that you got that name instead of some of the ones you could have had. No offense to your mother, but she was about to go out on a limb there for a minute. But you need to know that you are named after two wonderful women - one of which I had the pleasure of meeting, one unfortunately, I did not. What I can tell you is that those two women shared the same blood as you. Those two women were strong, and fearless, and courageous, and they were made of a type of special glue that held families together and strengthened them like steel beams. They are no longer here with us, sadly, but we like to think that you are a nice mix of them, and that you are going to fill some of the void they left behind. They are going to live on through you and you are going to bring joy and love to the hearts of everyone who knows you.

Update on your delivery: It is 11:13 and your Aunt Britt just sent me a sweet picture of your mom and Anna. Nothing major happening yet, but we will wait patiently for you. You have been worth the wait, little one. It just occurred to me that I haven’t been in this hospital in over 10 years, since my granny got sick. My memories of inside these walls are very unhappy, until today. Today, I get to be present for the first time, for a new life to be brought into this world. You are the first baby I’ve ever been present for a birth of. And boy, are you special. So special in fact, that I’m tearing up writing this and I haven’t even met you yet.

You. Are. So. Loved.

Update: It’s around 3:00 and we’ve all been patiently waiting for you, still. Your Uncle Timmy and your other set of grandparents have gotten here, Paul and Arlene. We're all so excited. Keeping your Aunt Anna occupied has been quite the time. Especially when I tried to read her a story. And when she beat the bathroom door down on your Uncle Dave. And when she found a little boyfriend in the waiting room and when he tried to kiss her goodbye, she yelled “ANNA IS SO SHY!!!” and then cried when we all laughed at her. All of us are telling stories and imagining what it’s going to be like to be with you. You don’t know how important all these people are to me, and how important you are to me, but you will. I’m going to have to leave soon, but don’t worry, I will see you soon, little one.

Update: I had to leave around 4:30. You were born at 7:28. Your aunt sent me a picture of you and I cried tears of joy. The next day, today, March 3^rd, I came to visit you. I held you and I hugged you, and I loved you instantly.  You were so tiny, I don’t know if I’ve ever held a baby so small. But you opened your eyes and looked at me like you could see straight into my soul. It’s a day I will never forget. I think your existence has already changed my life more than I could ever have imagined. Someday, I am going to tell you so many important things. I am going to love you and be there for you and tell you life lessons and give you more advice than you can handle. Someday, you are going to talk to me and tell me about your day at school and we’re going to do so many fun things. Don’t get the idea that I want you to grow up too fast though. I want to enjoy every minute of your growing up. I know it’s going to go fast enough as it is. I promise to cherish every moment and love you always.

Love,

Aunt Jess